50 Ways To Confuse, Worry Or Just Scare People
In The Computer Lab
Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on
your face and scream "Oh my God! They've
found me!" and bolt.
Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes and then
suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone
who looks at you.
When your computer is turned off, complain to the
monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing
to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5
minutes,turn it off again and repeat the process
for a good half hour.
Type frantically, often stopping to look at the
person next to you evily.
Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each
computer to a different screen than the one it's
set up with.
Write a program that plays the "Smurfs"
theme song and play it at the highest volume
possible over & over again.
Work normally for a while. Suddenly look
amazingly startled by something on the screen and
crawl underneath the desk.
Ask the person next to you if they know how to
tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you
Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer
before you turn it on.
Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone
asks why you have it, say "Just in
Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing
for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life.
Then stop and continue typing.
Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at
other people as if they're crazy while typing.
Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal
Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep
asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk
out of your fly and say, "Oops, I
Every time you press Return and there is
processing time required, pray
scream "YES!" when it finishes.
Start making out with the person at the terminal
next to you. (It helps if you know them, but this
is also a great way to make new friends.)
Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in
your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the
If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around
singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
whenever there is processing time required.
Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of
paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it.
Act like it hates you and then complain loudly
that women (men) are worthless.
Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2
disk drive. When it doesn't work, get the
When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on,
ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is.
Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then
when its all done (two days later) say that all
you wanted was one line.
Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails
noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them
out at the feet of the person next to you.
Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look
at the person next to you, grinding. Repeat
procedure, making sure you never provoke the
person enough to let them blow up, as this
releases tension, and it is far more effective to
let them linger.
If you have long hair, take a typing break, look
for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your
neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British
Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim
that it inspires you.
Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks.
Remove shoes and place them of top of the
monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape
them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku
about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
Take the keyboard and sit under the computer.
Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab
supervisor and complain about the bad working
Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all
perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
Bring some dry ice and make it look like your
computer is smoking.
Assign a musical note to every key (i.e. the
Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp,
etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note
loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over,
saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for
a sec?", unplugging the keyboard &
Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and
say that sometimes the old ways are best.
Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer
in the lab.
Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over
and over again until you see that your neighbor
is noticing (you can hit the space bar so your
fill isn't affected). Then look at your
neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key
several times, erasing an entire word. While you
do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key
work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting
the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this
until you've deleted about a page of your
neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim:
"Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the
space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't
deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and
Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go
to the lab monitor and complain that your
computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put
some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive.
Claim that the computer is drooling.)
Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look
really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say
"You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing,
grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language
while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute
or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back
and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from
under the table, walk back to the computer and
say. "Oh, good. It worked this time,"
and calmly start to type again.
Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat
See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk
request. Talk to them like you've known them all
your lives. Hangup before they get a chance to
figure out you're a total stranger.
Bring an small tape player with a tape of really
absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer
and look really lost.
Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen.
Complain that the lead doesn't work.
Come into the computer lab wearing several
endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile
incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily,
exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and
kiss the screen. Repeat this after every
sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the
keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the
computer assistant, and walk out.
Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon
is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and
begin to type.
Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black
and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then
walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give
me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet
crocodile for the next week".
Two words: Tesla Coil.